ZEBEDEE SPEAKS!

Molecule and A Brief History of Time

2009-08-03T12:14:00.001-07:00

YO zebby here. after reading A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking, i've been seeing things differently. Take, for instance, my molecule toy. Call me crazy, but today i had nothing but thoughts of celestial bodies, leptons, and the very essences which give Life to Life on this rotating orb we call Earth- pretty heady stuff while gripping the plastic colorful mass which i love so dearly. Oh, it was exhilirating that it was all coming together- philosophically. Me and Molecule. Molecule and Me. One Monday afternoon. Concepts. The meaning of Life. Physics. Gravity. Momentum. So much thinking...i'm off to take a well-deserved nap. (yawn)

Conversation with a fly

2009-07-19T18:24:00.000-07:00

hey ya'll / zebby here whoa long time since i've transcribed my notepad to pixels...so damn sick of the computer lately hurts my eyeballs PLUS it gives me paw-strain which sucks and inhibits my ball time... but i JUST HAD TO share something- i recently had a wonderful conversation with a most interesting fly name Sigmund- fascinating fellow really...such insight into human nature and gave me some tips for summer reading/ he really had me in stitches- can;t wait to chat with him again more soon, i promise

it's cold outside, but it's hot inside.

2009-01-18T19:20:00.000-08:00

outside, winter winter cold icky slushy windy icy icicle wet feet blues. inside, nice and warm ball squeaking fun filled dancing running sliding action. makes you want to just jump up with joy knowing you have a nice warm home to cozy up into. i pity my furry brothas and sistas who are tied outside in this tail-chilling weather. go get em animal cruelty cops! hmmf

cold weather brings out my Creativity.

2008-11-18T18:16:00.000-08:00

zebby here. freshly 3 years old. boo-yaaa! happy birthday to me. what could be bad- a new orange sweater and a turkey sausage to feast on/ the cold is HERE. totally sucks. what can i say, the cold weather brings out my Creativity. better to stay in and create, then go out and freeze your nuts off. Word.
So... i decided to scan myself. scanners rule!

i had the most amazing dream,

2008-10-24T18:16:00.000-07:00

z-baby here. i had the most amazing dream---- floating flying meandering NO i was wandering around the meatpacking district BUT all the meat was cooked. it was so utterly scrumptious, the SMELLS - turkey sausage, a giant meatball rolling down the street, piles and piles of expertly cooked chicken breasts/// wafts of goodness permeating my (small) nostrils and and grass! there was grass under my pads, not broken glass and concrete and then i was running,, sprinting gathering speed, the Wind in my ears , in the city, everywhere was the greenest grass and i was surrounded by squeeky balls and there were no cabs ,,,, it was a deliciousness beyond recognition/ SLEEP. the most wonderful passtime, drifting snorting eyes closed, total relaxation and utter comfort.

what about healthcare for dogs????

2008-10-21T17:21:00.000-07:00

hey there. zebby here. on and on and on and on and on. these 2 dudes blab and moan and blabber and blubber about all this crap and never get to the real issues. SO annoying. nothing makes sense and they even seem to confuse themselves sometimes. i mean;; is this the best we got? WHAT ABOUT HEALTHCARE FOR DOGS? neither of them has even attempted to tackle that issue and , well, it's just plain insulting. so much hot air, i am suffocating.

President. Shmezident. What about dog's rights?

2008-10-13T17:29:00.001-07:00

I am sick to death of all this presidential BS. repetition repetition repetition. what the hell are they saying anyway? Which candidate is speaking to me? economy up economy down economy collapse/// democrat, republican,, bad ties and bad breath. Let's get to the real issues. I watched the debates and got no answers whatsoever. Just a bunch of jibberjabberhotair. Why can't i go to IKEA and browse doggie goods, visit the grocery store, or dine in a real restaurant?? who made up these damn rules? i don't crap on the floor... i am not uncivilized...JESUS/// i know where the bathroom is. I have good manners. Why can't i go to Target?? Why do i have to stand out in the cold instead of sitting by the fire at that brunch place in the city? Who is addressing dog's rightssss????????? they need to get their damn priorities straight. This stuff is making me pissed.

Writer's block sucks.

2008-10-13T17:17:00.000-07:00

Yo. Yo. Yo. Hey there. Zebedee here. What can i say...been suffering from mad writer's block. I think it;s weather related,, you know the seasons shifting is simply messing with my brain functions. So, i've been hibernating. Stewing. Brewing. Thinking. But when i try to write, it's a damn garbled mess. Today is the first day i can string a sentence together. yippeeeeee yes. more to come. you can count on that !

A sophisticated Lady

2008-07-31T20:33:00.000-07:00

happy thursday-almost-friday. zebby here / got a lot on my mind tonight.
first off, i had the pleasure of meeting a sophisticated lady, actually, a downright elegant charmer! honey is her name and she is ten years old and weighs ten pounds (she is so proud of her figure, and loves to share that fact...what is it with chicks and their weight?) anyway, after a lovely morning of sauntering through central park,, i decided to check out the upper east side for some after-park sniffs. i'm so delighted i did! and there she was.... nothing like the character of an older woman

who's the real batman, eh?

2008-07-22T06:15:00.000-07:00

morning morning. zebby here. all this hoopla about the new batman movie has me excited to SEE it // "The Dark Knight" took in a record $155.34 million in its first weekend! // but of course, DOGS AREN'T ALLOWED IN MOVIE THEATERS. utter blasphemy! and to think, it's even going to be out in IMAX theaters...the blow to me is crushing... oh well, i;ll just have to buy an illegal DVD off the street. but who is the real batman anyway. ME, of course. this picture is proof.

photo credit: zebedee (self portrait)

my ride is sweeeeeet

2008-07-16T16:12:00.000-07:00

zebby here. i just have to say: my ride is sweeeet! my car looks like me. big eyes. it's a jeep. black. excellent. the best ride ever. Tryin to catch me ridin dirty / My music so loud / I'm swangin / They hopin that they gon catch me ridin dirty / Tryin to catch me ridin dirty / Tryin to catch me ridin dirty / Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty

sea crabs, sea foam, sea sacks, sea smells!

2008-07-14T13:25:00.000-07:00

can i just say, getting out of the city is the best thing ever. so, i went down to charleston, south carolina to celebrate the 4th of july (i hate hate hate fireworks, but more about that later) i got up at 6am ever morning to explore the beach before the sun came out, hot enough to melt my eyeballs (my little nose and shmooshed in face can't take it) HOLY CRAP! it was an existential experience! me and the waves and the soft sand and the wind on my ears and the seafood fondue, creatures, smells, adventures, walking walking running FANTASTIC! i was not missing icky sticky city pavement one bit. i met a crab. he was one weird dude. i mean, people in nyc are weird, but i had never seen a weirder dude that this one.

fanmail is pouring in !

2008-07-14T06:04:00.000-07:00

this morning when i woke up, i was so excited i could barely contain myself (so i let out a fart) fanmail has been pouring in, and i can barely keep up. each letter is a joy to open and i just want to thank all of my fans// here are two of my favorites from the curly duo from florida, leo & bella-- thanks guys! these are some classy portraits and i really think you guys have talent* the quality of line and texture mixed with the expressionist whimsical tone really fill the paintings with life/ BRAVO

IKEA sucks!

2008-07-01T09:08:00.000-07:00

greetings. this is me, under the covers, because i am pissed and frustrated. now...everyone in my neighborhood knows that a brand new IKEA just opened in brooklyn// advertising is EVERYWHERE... on bus stalls, on the sides of buses, even on the sides of buildings! walking around, i kept seeing the ads, and i must admit, i was damn excited because they have some great dog beds and accessories for cheap prices. SO, i started making a list of items that i was planning to check out and the list was getting long/ So finally, last weekend, i decided to make the laborious trek to check out stuff for myself and brave the insanity of IKEA (especially in the parking lot). I was so anxious to see the new merchendise, but as soon as the stupid parking lot attendant saw me he declared, "NO DOGS ALLOWED IN STORE". i was taken aback and really offended. I mean, advertising at its finest, appeals to the viewer and makes them want to buy. AND I WAS READY TO BUY. and they deny me entrance on no good reason other then the fact that i am a dog? (even though i never think of myself that way). No where on the ads does it explicitly state this fact. I was crushed. This is a blatant example of discrimination and i am sending a letter to the CEO.

more fun times with tug

2008-06-29T09:38:00.001-07:00

he's a heavyweight and i'm a featherweight- playing is cool, but let's forget that boxing ring, ok? i'd be pulverized into a flattened pile of zebby bones ... but as i said before, tug is like me, a lover and not a fighter (thank god)

my best buddies-> tugboat & lil' business

2008-06-29T09:23:00.000-07:00

my cool friends tugboat aka tug aka bob & lil' business aka business came over last week for poker night and some all around rough-housing on the roof / tug is built like an intimidating bouncer; a heavyweight, you know , the ones that throw you out on the street if you are causing trouble-- truth is, he is a gentle giant, but it's good to have him in your circle of friends (especially for a small guy like me) he has a presence, and really lets the gooey saliva fly when it's hot- i've been slimed on more than one occasion, having my full face totally engulfed by gooey tug slobber // lil' business is fluffy and cool and a lot of fun- what a jokester// he let's the one-liners fly and we are all on our backs engulfed in belly laughs , snorting, and running and having the time of our lives,,

i'm insulted by the dog whisperer

2008-06-29T08:52:00.000-07:00

greetings/// i have to say it;s damn HOT out and my little nose and pushed in face can't take the heat...so i am lounging in the A/C pondering some things that have been bothering me... i happened to catch an episode of "the dog whisperer" last night, and that guy// what's his name - cesar or something, really pissed me off. his hypothesis that dogs live in the moment and don't have memories is completely off-base and is a total insult. i like to think that my brain and memory tank are very acute, much more so, then the average joe on the street. i remember EVERYTHING. every walk, every road trip, every belly scratch, every small morsel of turkey sausage i ever ate- i remember my first bath, the people i pass on the street, who's mean & who's gentle, the mornings, the sunrises, sunsets, everywhere i've parked my fuzzy butt and looked around at the world and it's joys, it's madness and contradictions. This dog whisperer guy- he actually thinks that if you pull or kick a dog it takes him or her out of the red zone or some shit- what a masochist. let's just say- the guy is full of shit. he gives dogs a bad name- the oversimplification of our psyches is totally unfounded!

poetry is music to my (really big) ears

2008-06-26T08:32:00.000-07:00

____greetings on this nasty icky rainy gray thursday. rain sucks! (more about that later) zebby here, and i wanted to share a wonderful poem that my good buddy stacy wrote on the subject of (ahem) Me. of course, i welcome any and all kinds of fanmail & love to spend parT of my evenings opening letters and reading postcards///
ee cummings happens to be one of my favorites as well as shel siverstein

zebby zebby
is a sweet lazy bebeh
he's good to hold and good to touch
and he'll walk when he's good and ready, thank you very much
he likes to plop in the grass on his little belly
and sometimes he'll leave a poopy that's smelly
a purebred he is cuz he ain't no mutt
when he walks on the street, he wiggles his butt

fantastic! & i just couldn't resist adding my own verse, zebby style:

zebby zebby
little fuzzy man with a plan
sniffing and snorting and fartin galore
sleeps like a meatloaf and lets out snorty snore
ball is god god is ball
chews through his smelly stick
sometimes likes to lick his dick
ziffy zorbster pippin chorby
zebby prances zebby dances
sniffs at the wind
screams at the skateboard punks
cuddles gorbles glibbles goobles
wants his belly lump rubbed
little crooked tail shoots out straight
on the way to the park
foo-foo-ing along the way
plopping pooping
what a day

2nd verse poem credit: zebedee

braces, veneers, bright white teeth...who needs them?

2008-06-26T06:35:00.000-07:00

what is this country's obsession with straight teeth that are bright white and make your mouth look like it;s full of bleached cement? it's dumb and unnecessary. what the hell? i think my teeth are just perfect. perfect for chewing my bullystick- i can get a real grab hold for maximal torque because my teefs are craggly and small and crooked and cute. these buggers give me character and they are yellowy and look like helen keller was my orthodontist.

check out my shoes!

2008-06-25T17:03:00.000-07:00

hi... zebby here // i wanted to show you my shoes---roof shoes, i mean shoes for the roof so i don't get my feet all ripped up and bloody and bad splinters and shit. now , i am the first to say that shoes for dogs is pretty stupid BUT i love my shoes and i can have a wonderful ball session up there now// of course, my stingy landlord won;t fix the awkward spaces and metal pokey things which can bust up a little guy like me when running around, so here i am and here are my shoes and Life is good.

dog, philosopher, observer of humanity (in no particular order)

2008-06-24T20:32:00.000-07:00

greetings humans. my name is zebedee and i speak / well not exactly speak, but think, ponder, ideate, observe, pontificate / i speak in my mind eventhough all that comes out are farts, groans, gurgles and a low grade bark from time to time/ i have a lot to say, but have decided to write it down instead;;; see me? i;m cute... cute and soulful & i make little childen and grown men smile--- in fact, people pass me on the street and smile widely from just looking at my big eyes and little corkscrew tail, i shimmy, i strut, i glide along the streets of brooklyn dodging broken glass (more about that later) chicken bones, rat turds, lots of garbage, and scary cars that run red lights.

brooklyn is my home and it's a god-damned circus (more about that later) but its my home and i love it (and hate it) all at the same time/

the perfect hydrant.

2008-06-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

photo credit: zebedee

now i don;t consider myself a "photographer" but i have to say, this shot is pretty sweeeet* my 100% favorite fire hydrant in brooklyn. it's beautiful & packed with a fantastic collection of smells collaged into one fine smelly buffet. imagine your favorite buffet- the finest meats, fishes, cheeses, gooey sauces,,, imagine the excitement that overtakes your body when you catch just one pungent whiff- welllllllllllllll, this hydrant is that for me. a grand & beautiful site. i mean,, i could just hang out sniffing it for hours-- and time...well it would just stand still. Heaven.

my main men, sam & sydney

2008-06-24T19:07:00.000-07:00

sam & sydney are just too cool/ these guys are the best and they tell damn good jokes. sam's been around... an all-around wise guy and he's got some stories to tell / i just think his salt+pepper look is classy...brings me back to the days of sinatra and cool hats/ he told me his hips have been bothering him so he's been eating more eggs and that's making him feel a bit better--- i told him a little bit of turkey sausage and a piece of banana might do the trick...but he says he is on it/ i have a lot of respect for my older compatriots, so wise and soulful,,, been through the War and back-- he told us he even ALMOST ended up in the east river over the weekend become some drunk schmuck hooligan grabbed him and was messing around-- man, if i was there i would have been so damn pissed Respect the Elders! jesus... what's wrong with people these days? sydney is cool as shit and his coat is looking snazzy// he told me we should definitely hang more often...there's a lot of sniffing to be done/// i agree.

my best buddies-> charlie aka cman aka cool cat

2008-06-23T11:31:00.000-07:00

charlie is one cool cat and he is my closest pal - a true adventurer, confidant, and all-around rambunctious little man. we run for hours on the grass, hide in the bushes/ play tag, sniff the worms and dirt and chase the flies. we hide under the deck, and runrunrun until out hearts pound with utter glee,, a day with charlie, is a day in heaven- he has a yard (i'm jealous) and can pee on the soft green grass on a daily basis// when i leave charlie's house i am done , toast, tired-as-shit, and i sleep like a 100 pound meatloaf and dream of fun we had// charlie aka c-man is the best friend you could have.... our snouts and basic body shape are so different, it's kind of amazing how he can snarf down a treat in a couple of gulps... he also doesnt care about the ball which is cool// so i can have more ball time and he is just happy chasing me

my best buddies-> river

2008-06-23T11:22:00.001-07:00

river is beautiful, and sexy and blond. she smells so good and licks my ears and face and, well, i just love it* she lives in my building and we;ve shared birthdays together (she always eats my cake, but i really don't mind because i am not that into food) she is obsessed with balls (like me) and is just kind and graceful. river is one of my best buddies- she knows what brooklyn is like, and we;ve discussed the shortage of grass (sigh) and the noise (yikes) but we make the best of it// i love river and i have even told her that. i dont care for many dogs, but she is one i might even share my ball with// and that is saying a lot

the dreaded nut day, every dog's worst nightmare

2008-06-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

what can i say, the day my nuts were cut off absolutely sucked beyond belief. i really dont know what the compulsion to do this is - they say health reasons or making you less aggressive or something... but i was never aggressive so whatever/// at least it is a not-so-fond memory now /////ouch ouch pain misery ///// i miss my nuts!

i'm tough and so are my pads

2008-06-23T08:49:00.001-07:00

i'm tough and so are my pads. being a brooklyn-based dog, you have to be. everywhere you look, there are 100pound pit bulls on chains just waiting to tear out your heart and eat your meaty bits/// gasp/// lots of shady bullies and killing machines- i always have to look out for the big guys shiiit/// my pads have taken a beating since the days of soft and pink-- miles and miles of city sidewalks and rough streets gives them a toughness// i mean, this ain't no suburbs- grass is scarce for my feets

cute -adjective...attractive especially by means of smallness or quaintness, obviously contrived to charm, mentally keen; clever; shrewd,

2008-06-23T05:53:00.000-07:00

blast from the past! look... this is me// when i moved to brooklyn/ i was only about 4 pounds or close to that- i smelled like a fresh baby and my pads were pink and soft;
now i hesitate to use the word "cute" as a description for myself- it seems shallow and almost an oversimplification of my true self,, but when i looked it up in the dictionary, i was excited to see it's more complex definition including charm, mentally keen, clever and shrewd - of course, these adjectives are right on the money